Confused Mumblings !!!!!!

Once upon a time, there was a kid with dreams of making it big in life. But as a kid he was amateur and doesn’t have any idea as what it takes to be big. He dreamt of being a pilot, a logistics operator, a doctor, an engineer, a scientist, a cop, a diplomat, a politician; literally he thought of every possible role that takes to make it big in life.

As he grew up he faced a lot of unfortunate things and they lowered his spirits and motivated him to fight back. He won few and he lost few. He couldn’t succeed something that was in his mind- a major career decision as what to do in life because of some constraints.

Due to this debacle he even went on to the extent of thinking of starting a dairy farm and running a cattle and making livelihood out of milking buffaloes and cows. Then he was happy that rather than dreaming big it would be good to be simple and enjoy the fun of running a dairy farm. He couldn’t succeed in this endeavor too as his father wanted him to do some thing related to technology that would lead to making big money. This kid was still help less and a novice, being a dependent …. He didn’t had much choice as what to do. He simply agreed to follow what his parents said. He studied and made his folks happy.

He saw the real world of opportunities once he enters college. There are so many things to do in this world, but he doesn’t know what he can do and what he wants to do. He just moved on in life with what ever that came his way and went college hopelessly and with no objective actually. He also attends a big school to see the world out there. He sees the world from a broader perspective, but couldn’t assimilate it.

He likes doing anything when some thing interests him. But his interests are very varied. He wants to do social service like charity, child upliftment, teach children, pursue a doctoral degree in Economics and finance, travel around this world, and keep his folks happy and an unending list of things. But when he gets a job, he doesn’t even know what he is going to do. He doesn’t have any major goals in life. But was still confused about himself like a kid lost in woods and keeps seeking advice of every one around him as what he should do…. So he sits and starts to think and starts writing down as what he should do and what he wants to be and end up writing this blog of confused mumblings!!!!

Dilemma.........

Of late a lot of pressure had been off on me, from the moment I came to know about my pre placement offer. It was not a big surprise though as during the concluding day of my internship I was asked by the location head that if I am interested to work for them. Till now I was waiting for the official confirmation of that. And finally I came to know about that. I felt happy and relieved as there won’t be any more placements pressure.

I felt very lazy as if life is going to settle well with a handsome pay and all the fancy things which I dreamt are going to be a reality. But a little more of soul searching made me listen my inner voice that……… is what I am doing right? Is what I wanted to do is what I got? Well I don’t have any clear cut answers. Even I am a kind of arbit guy.

On a serious note till now whole of my life I never had the freedom to do what I wanted to do… more so I was compelled to do sum thing because I dint had a choice or I am not allowed to choose what I wanted to. I didn’t have a clear direction as what I wanted in life. I was a day dreamer during my adolescent years. Dreams of becoming a doctor were buried when I was told that my hearing is an irreparable loss. My parents made a sensible decision and convinced me to drop my plans of studying medicine. My masochism made me suck the most crucial things in life at the right time though no complaints.

Though with no interest in IT my parents joined me in to computers which was then a hot property in market. I hated it from the very day that my parent’s r being lured with the kind of money the then software engineers are making. I hate it when some one compares me to others. Y do I need to be compared with others? Especially in terms of how much they earn.

Now, I am on verge of completing this MBA, I am still not clear what kind of work I want to do. I am deaf … I cannot converse well. I am not fit for all kind of jobs. I am compelled to choose from the very few job roles which suit my capabilities. Sad to say but I don’t have choice. Well of the available options again it was IT which suits my capabilities. Other than this is research. Well I am interested in doing research work for investment banking. I am not sure if this is what I want to do then. Still wondering what should I do now? Should I go with my job offer or to try research or backend finance roles in investment banks? ……….